The Top 10 Things I Have Learned Since Becoming a Father
From the home office in Abilene, Texas, here are the top 10 things I have learned since becoming a father:
10. I can actually function on only 5 hours of sleep.
9. There are a lot of old games shows on the Game Show Network at 3:00 am.
8. Washing machines can run non-stop.
7. It is ok to buy maxipads at the grocery store.
6. Austin burps and toots more than his daddy.
5. Just because his eyes are closed, doesn't mean he is actually asleep.
4. The trash can outside smells awful when it is filled with dirty diapers.
3. Always have a clean diaper ready to be put on immediately after taking the dirty one off because....
2. Little boys can pee really high when laying on their back, and...
1. Little boys, when their legs are lifted in the air for cleaning of the "backside", can shoot a "paintball" across the room.
posted by Mark Lavender @ 7:30 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Yeah...you have to be a master of the quick change to prevent the firehose from turning on. However, I will argue that it is easier with boys because you can quickly estimate trajectory and catch some of it with a diaper. With a girl, it is like you dumped a 55 gallon drum full of water. There is no telling where it is going to go...
In response to the #1 item about the paintball, that is why you never lift their legs to clean their bottom with bottom turned towards you! Ask you son-in-law about that one!
MOM
Mark, I can certainly relate to your "paintball" incident - only a few of us lucky fathers have experienced the joy of a liquid doo-doo shower from our firstborn. Back in my rookie diaper changing days I had my week-old son's legs pinned back a little too far in your parent's bedroom and before I knew it there was a painted silhouette of my head on the wall behind me - yes it was that bad! I can't wait to see the little tike soon - he sure is good lookin!
Ben
Mark:
Austin is adorable! Can't wait for Little Levi to meet him! Maybe they can be buddies someday...play some ball together:)
You have made me laugh so hard! Thank goodness that "never have a photographer as a friend!" didn't make the list!
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